Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Hating Your Children, More Common Than You ThInk

 Below are comments pulled from online articles concerning parents who hate their children. These are common summation reasons parents give for not loving or wanting their children around. For example, a few websites sugar coat the issue of people hating their children and wrote:

"Many parents have a negative self-image which they unwittingly extend to their children."

 

"Parents are disturbed, depressed, angry"

 

"Parents relinquished parental authority and lost confidence in themselves."


"Parents in North America have become prone to asking their children rather than telling them."

 

Reading on, we start to get to real feelings:


"I Wake Up Every Day Wishing This Was Not My Life..."


"I never wanted children. ..."

 

Then shorter and more bitter, if that is possible:

 

‘I regret having children’

I feel like I'm just tolerating them, just getting along because there's no other choice, like roommates that I can't get rid of.

 

 


 

These last comments reveal true feelings. The comments above these last few comments are, 'safe to say' comments. Safe to say comments are generally half lies. They do not say what someone really feels. Safe to say comments are couched in enough 'safe' phrasing, most people hearing or reading them will feel more sympathy than if more direct wording is used.


The last four comments are brutal and cut to the quick. They are decoratively true, and the people making them have the courage to express their real feelings, without icing or powdered sugar on top.


What do we do with these feelings when we have them? Usually we do one of two things. The most obvious is to bury them due to guilt or shame. Put on a happy face, and pretend all is well. This may work at the office, but it is a major fail in the family unit. Even smaller children can sense they are not wanted.


The second option is rationalize these feelings away. My children are too much like me. My children are nothing like me. As much as I try, I can not get through to my children. I live on one planet, and my children live on another. I'm too busy working.


What people with these feelings should do is work on finding common ground with their children. What do you enjoy your child may enjoy? What do your children think about, what is their personality? You can find interests or hobbies you can share, whether it is sports, gaming, music or reading.


It may even be something neither of you has tried before. Introduce your child to new things. Something not be on your top ten list of likes, but something you both can do. Both of you make little notes of what you want to do. Put them in a hat, mix them up, draw one of them and do it.


Finally, you are the adult. You made the child. Your child didn't appear in a puff of smoke. Your child is also fifty percent you. Fifty percent of your child is your thinking, your abilities, your shortfalls. Find a middle ground and stay in it.


Remember the long run. Your child is in the house for a limited amount of time. Sooner or later, probably sooner, your child is going to find an escape. It may be college, the military, or moving out, but they will be gone, and you will be left with a hole in your life you didn't know you had. Make the best of today.


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